Got the results of the second MRI. CLEAN! Hooray, now we are no closer to having an answer than we were before. *grumble grumble grumble*

Of course my pcp has not scheduled a follow-up so I am not really sure where we stand with all this. Do we look for something else? What now? Argh.

Saw the therapist again this week, LL, I'll just use her initials as it's easier. She thinks my dosage needs to be upped (I agree) as well as I may need to be put on something else. We talked for a bit. She said that she knows it sucks but that I need to be patient while she and LS (the prescriber) figure out the right combination of meds as well as the correct dosage.

I can try to be patient. Honestly, it's not an anti-depressant that I need, I need something to calm me down. How to explain? Basically I want a bomb to be able to go off next to me and for me to just kinda look at it, shrug, and say "that's nice". I overreact to everything and it's stressful. I also have no control over it and that sucks. So, we are working on it. It's the best I can ask for right now.

Nothing positive on the job front right now. Can't take it personally though, the economy sucks. It's somewhat comforting to know there are tons of people out there struggling like me. Comforting in the sense that I won't take it personally. Still blows though...

Ya know, I don't think anyone reads this anymore. I don't get any comments. :( Oh well. Maybe I'm just not that interesting. ;)

No news is...

NOT good news, it's freakin annoying as all hell! (Had to get that out...)

I have yet to get the results for Cushing's and my Pcp didn't have them either. Greeeat. He said they were too slow so now I am scheduled for a Cat Scan of my abdomen as well as an MRI. Hooray! I also have to see the Diabetic nurse as I am pre-diabetic and we need to wrangle this...

Of course the pre-diabetic is due to the weight gain and the weight gain is due to the "couldpossiblybecushingsbutwedon'tknowbecausetheendocrinologistisslowerthanfuckinmolasses!"

I can't win. I asked my pcp to recommend a therapist of some sort and he asked why I thought I needed one. (Keep in mind this is the doctor of my husband's family, everyone in the family) I said I had issues dealing with all this as well as stress and my life was about to get a whole lot more stressful. He asked me how and I said that in a few weeks I'd be moving back in with my MIL. He smiled and said "Let me get that card for you.."

Hmph

So that is where I am at right now.

Results?

I have a doctor's appointment today with my Pcp. Since I have yet to receive the results of the 24 hour urine test for Cushing's so I am hoping to get those today. I am also hoping for a positive. Why? For an answer. I'm terrified that it'll be negative and we will be no closer to an answer or help for me than we were before. I'm miserable enough. Sad thing is that I have to go alone. J will still be in work. :( 

Well it's a few hours before I have to be there so I think I should find something to do. I wish I liked shopping...lol. Oh well a shower and an iced coffee then!

Update later.

Not the happiest of entries...

Well in case you were wondering, I did get my period. I'm ok with it really, 2 months in a row! W00t! ;) I did not ovulate but that's ok too. I finished the urine test for Cushing's and am awaiting the results. To be honest, I hope it is Cushing's. I'd at least have an answer, it would explain EVERYTHING and it is treatable. I also have another appointment with my pcp next week. I'm upset about my weight but am starting to accept that it's not entirely my fault, I'm sick. I just wish I could wear a sign and people who don't know would know that I'm not just "letting myself go". I also wish we had an answer as to what is really wrong. Oh well, it's just vanity. Although in my (our) current situation it's hard not to focus on everything else that makes me unhappy. Metaphorically speaking I am having a hell of a time keeping my head above water.

I had issues with depression in the past and I think it is time to bring it up again with my pcp. I never got the right combination of medication and wasn't on anything long enough to know if it actually was doing any good. So, there's that...

I wish I could find something I loved to do. I have no passions...other than wanting to be a mom. I know I'll be good at it and I can't wait..but it's hardly a money-making career. (Should be though) J has given me a long list of things I could do and would be good at, photographer, baker...he thinks I need to own my own business. I'm just terrified...

What do you think?

The phone interview went well today. I have a face to face interview scheduled for Monday at 2pm. It might be an interesting atmosphere though the pay is not fabulous but right now...I need something to get us by. So, wish me luck.

Met with an Endo today, a new one. Since my MIL got me in with my new PCP he has appointments lined up through April. This guy was young and extremely nice. I liked him a lot, which is good since I rarely like anyone. :) He took about 5 tubes of blood to rule out some thigs. I also have a take home saliva test. The big thing we want to rule out is Cushing's Syndrome. He said if everything comes back and it looks good he will refer me to a Reproductive Endo to deal with the other issues. He also prescribed me an intense Vitamin D supplement as I am apparently kinda deficient.
That's all for updates for now. I got some dishes to wash and dinner to start soon. Such is the life of a housewife...