I think I just experienced my first anxiety attack...

I'm not sure and I'm barely able to type right now. I know what set it off...Shadow. I'm so terrified of losing him and I know he is not doing well. He's old and wearing out. I can't handle it and since I can't sleep I am fixated on it. This happens whenever I converse with the vet but never as bad as tonight. Of course it is most likely due to my increasing depression. I already told J that when I visit the pcp this tuesday I am having him recommend someone. He is ok with it, as he said he "just wants his wife back." 

Fair enough.

Luckily I had some valium left over from the dentist. I took 2 and now the bottle is empty(it only had 6 in it and it was from last August). I wish I had more. I may need whichever psychological doctor has the prescription pad...

Waiting for the pills to kick in. Don't want to be alone. I'm not really, Shadow is under the dining room table watching me, he has a good view of the couch from there. Darwin is on patrol and J is snoring in the bedroom. I don't want to write about the attack I kind of want to forget about it. I need to...because I am scaring myself.